I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
