This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
