2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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