He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
