I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
