Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
