So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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