you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My ATM looks so different sober.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
