I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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