I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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