i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I want to fling myself into the sun
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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