he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Mom said you looked used
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
