Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
