So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
