In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
