i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
