guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
