forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
