So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
