I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
