i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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