Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
