i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
