Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
