Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
