Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
