and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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