Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
