There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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