You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
