just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
