I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
