It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
