Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
