Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
