Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
