hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
