I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
