did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
