I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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