You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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