i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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