So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
