Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
