and i looked up. we had an audience...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
