haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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