I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
