dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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