you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
