just come out here and I will go home with you...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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