it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
